Public Restroom Etiquette

stall.jpgSo there was an interesting topic on the radio this morning and it got me to thinking about an unusual practice in human behavior. Public restroom etiquette. I’ve compiled a list of major no no’s as well as helpful tips to survive this necessary evil of using a public restroom.

Rule #1. Under no circumstances do you ever touch (with your hand) the flush handle in a bathroom stall. The foot is the proper tool for the job.

Rule #2. ALWAYS LOCK and check said locked stall door.

Rule #3. Never sit on the seat. Use the supplied safety seat, or gobs of the important papers to create a safe barrier between you and the rest of everyones butt.

Rule #4. While at the urinal, eyes a front sir, an acceptable alternative, look down and admire your work. Secondly, if possible leave a one urinal buffer between you and the next lad. Never stand directly behind someone while waiting for your turn. This can sometimes induce shy bladder for your neighbor, hence making your wait longer.

Rule #5. Don’t talk to the person next to you ever. Speech is only acceptable at the sink during hand washing and only in brief (how’s the weather) increments. This isn’t a social hang out.

Rule #6. While in the stall, never drop, handle paperwork, or leave the stall until the coast is clear. No one wants to hear it, and absolutely NO ONE wants to know who it is.

Rule #7. Always check for feet before trying a stall door. Never EVER look through the crack to see if said stall is in use.

Rule #8. When finished, ALWAYS get rid of the evidence..Completely. No one wants to see the remains of your handy work.

Rule #9. Don’t bring your little girl into the Mens room. Take her home. Furthermore, don’t wipe your kids butt with the stall door open. These should go without saying.

Rule #10. Never buy the comb from the attendant. Do you really think that blue water does anything for that comb?

Follow these simple instructions and the bathroom trip will be a painless bearable experience.

I would love to hear any additions.


13 Responses to “Public Restroom Etiquette”

  1. Two words…..COURTESY FLUSH!!!!

  2. or the fake cough if it’s splashing in the water.

  3. Chris Nevins Says:

    I hope you have a little girl with a pea-sized bladder!(pun intended!)

  4. snowjunkie Says:

    Man, I’ve recently moved to America and I can’t believe the size of the cracks on the stall doors. You might as well not have a door on them!! I think it’s an intentional design to deter people pooing during work hours.

    The stalls back in the UK – man they are air tight.

  5. Personally, I need a little air in my stall… 🙂

  6. Don’t eat the urinal mints. Shake 3 times before stowing….no dribbles……puhleeeese! And don’t set your drink on the top of the urinal….gross!

  7. p.s. Love your blog Superman….but for us color challenged folks….it is very difficult to read….

  8. Well put Tom. I was going to mention something about drinks in the restroom as well. I’m glad someone agrees. Good advice sir.

  9. Don’t try to spit into the urinal!Most of you guys that do this, miss the target and end up spitting on the top of the urinal. Nobody likes to look at loogies while they are doing their business!

  10. snowjunkie Says:

    And… don’t pick your nose and stick little boogies on the wall directly in front…

  11. snowjunkie Says:

    Never answer your cell phone while sitting on the can.

  12. Another excellent suggestion. Keep the Cell Phone in your pocket. Does anyone really want to talk to you during this time of your day? Way to go snowjunkie.

  13. Man these are great! Thank you for this.
    Yeah this is one just to keep in your mind don’t ever…EVER store things in your mouth like say, oh I don’t know your movie ticket for instance, while standing at the urinal. Your buddy will surprise you with the most outstanding one liner you’ve ever heard that will invoke an uncontrollable laugh and you will then be stuck with an uncomfortable situation on your hands. Literally 🙂 Use your pockets!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: